Day 142 - "You are Cordially Invited to CHANGE"

When we do not understand how our minds and our backchat operate, we become more easily manipulated and swayed by not only our own backchat, but also by others who DO understand how this stuff works and has thus turned "influence" into a science - one that is obviously not publicly offered because it would take away the immense advantage that it gives to those who know how to use it to their own benefit.

One of the "tricks" to gaining influence over a person and ensuring that they will continue to do favors for you or continue to perform tasks or request when you ask them to, is to simply ask them for a small favor, and then gradually escalate the nature of your requests.

There are several social psychology principles at work behind this, and for those interested I suggest reading the series on the subject of Coercion in the "Psychologist's Journey to Life" blog where this point is opened up in detail.

Tonight I will discuss two main reasons for why this "Small favor" technique is so powerful when used by somebody that understands it's design and what forces can be put to work within a person's backchat in order to ensure they will more and more say "yes" to your requests and invitations.

One of the basic premises is that once a person invests time, effort, or resources in helping another or fulfilling a request from somebody else, there is a tendency to reason with oneself that this person that we've done a favor for isn't so bad - because certainly we would not be so foolish to be doing favors for somebody bad! No, we're much too clever and smart for that. At least that is what we secretly tell ourselves through backchat.

The interesting thing here is that by doing the favor for the other person, we make an "investment" in them. And once we make this investment, we want to make sure that we did not make a "bad decision" - we do not want to admit the possibility that we foolishly did a favor for somebody that was not actually having good intentions. And so to protect our "investment", we are more likely to help this person again and more likely to make ourselves available to them in the future, and more likely to continue saying "Yes" - believing that we really do want to help and that we like this person, but not seeing or considering that this desire to keep saying yes is actually greatly influenced by the desire to make sure we did not make a "bad" choice in saying "yes" the first time.

The second element of why this technique of "Small favor" is so effective is the principle of "previous commitment". This varies from culture to culture but there is a strong inclination within people to "stay true" to previous commitments and "keeping their word". When a person commits to doing a particular thing once, they are more likely to commit to any follow up or subsequent commitments even if they conflict with "newer" commitments that were made, because there has been more investment and more "previous commitment" to hold on to.

So in the case of doing a small favor for somebody, and making an investment in that person we did the favor for, we set up a "previous commitment" situation where if we are asked a favor again, we feel more "obligated" to again do what we did before - again because we want to protect our previous investment, and also because we want to appear consistent with our previous commitments because otherwise we may have to admit to ourselves that we made a mistake.

Ok - so here is the fascinating thing - this principle of "small favor" also works in terms of how many times we give in to the "small favors" of the mind - for example when something happens during our day at work and there is an opportunity for the mind to get some energy at our expense, there comes the request of "Man, I could really go for some energy right now - Could you please react to this situation and take it personally? It would be really great if you could blame yourself for being 'stupid' right now. Would you do this for me and just feel a little stupid about yourself?"

Ok, so there we have the "small favor" request. Obviously the actual "request" doesn't come in the way that I wrote it above, but more as an energetic experience rising up - almost an expectation that we WILL give in to it and not question it - and often it happens so quickly that we seem to automatically say "yes" within ourselves and just go right ahead and have our emotional reaction and give in to the experience, believing it was "our choice".

Here we must dare to realize and consider that for so much of our lives we have given in to that "voice" and the seemingly innocent "requests" that we go into emotional reactions or feelings or participate in internal dialogue with ourselves, that we have formed a very deep "investment" in who we are as the mind and our previous commitments of accepting these energetic addictions. We do not question it. We do not consider that for so long we have been "fooled" by something we allowed ourselves to become so intimately close to.

Living in our current world system, often we do not want to break previous relationship patterns or question our investment in certain things or admit when we make bad decisions because we may fear the consequences of what happens if others were to find out about our unquestioning and gullible nature - which is silly in itself because to go on with such relationships only further proves how gullible and unquestioning we really are.

But in terms of our own minds and our own patterns - the solution becomes VERY easy when we understand self-directive principle and self-forgiveness. Because here there is no "other" that tricked us or got us to go along with something over and over again. It was always us, ourselves, asking ourselves for those small favors to have those experiences and indulge in the addictions of the mind, and it is and always has been ourselves that was sending those little invitations to participate in the mind, which we would always respond to.

Understanding that the only person we might disappoint or offend is ourselves if we say "No" to our own invitations and requests for small favors, we can immediately realize and see the deceptive simplicity of how to STOP those behaviors and addictions.

When and as we see or notice within ourselves the "invitation" coming our way - where there is a rising of energy within us that is asking that we respond and already expecting, based our how many times we've said "yes" before, that we will certainly attend and be "there" instead of remaining HERE in our practical breath by breath living - that it seems to have already gotten "everything set up" for us - where we have the perfect person to blame or judge, or the perfect situation to react to, or the perfect point of self judgment to fall into, and it all feels so "right" and so "inviting" - that it almost seems "rude" to just say "No" after all that effort of getting all of this arranged - that is when we know that we are cordially inviting ourselves to attend a mindfuck that we have said "yes" to so many times before that it now only seems strange and "out of character" for us to simply stop.

Here, when and as we see and realize that this is simply an invitation that we have sent to ourselves based only on our previous responses, we can simply say "No" and realize that we are NOT obligated to participate in or attend any internal experiences or energetic addictions, and any point of feeling as though we must go and give in because that is who we've always been - is simply the power of the "small favor" - and is simply a conflict that arises within us when we start to consider the question of whether or not our initial point of saying "yes" to these patterns was actually a good investment, and whether or not the "previous commitment" is hindering us from making actual self-commitments.
So, enjoy saying "No" to the cordial invitations to previously accepted patterns of judgment and backchat and taking things personally and reacting emotionally, and even if who we are as the mind might take this sudden "lack of reciprocity" personally and cause some conflict - eventually it will fade and dissipate when we no longer habitually drop everything for its requests and invitations, and instead stand firm and be self-directive in what we attend and what we say yes or no to in our world and in ourselves.

The tools to detect and remove these "invitations" and "small favors" is given through the training provided freely to all at desteni through the Desteni I Process, where one is shown practically how to use writing as a tool to develop self-intimacy, and how to use self-forgiveness for those moments when we face the resistances and fears and anxieties just before saying "No" and freeing ourselves from obligations we obliged ourselves to, and doing a real small favor for ourselves that leads to a commitment of self-trust and self-honesty. Do yourself this small favor and invite yourself to a life of self-direction before your previous commitments take over completely.

Day 141 - Recreating Politics as What is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system should change before I change myself, based on the habit that I have accumulated throughout the years of living in a capitalistic consumer system where we are trained and encouraged to BUY and TAKE first before PAYING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system in which it has become the social norm to be concerned only about ourselves and worry about others "later" only after our own desires and needs are met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize that when desires and needs are not based on what is equally needed by all human beings to live a dignified life, but rather based on experiences and desires through which I define myself and "live" my life, such desires and needs are endless and insatiable because there will always be more and "greater" experiences to crave - and so long as I remain focused on my own "needs" and desires according to my mind, I will always place the actual, practical needs of humanity and life itself as a "secondary" concern - which is WHY the world is in the state that it is in now, where people will first invest all of their time and energy and labor and their very life essence to fighting and competing and surviving instead of realizing that everything that we fight and compete over can be equally given to all - which not only makes it MUCH easier to distribute and share the abundance that is here on earth, but also frees us to have the MOST PRECIOUS resource here on earth that any individual can enjoy - which is TIME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and consider than when I allow myself to accept and believe and thus LIVE the statement "There is no point. The system is too big and it cannot be changed. It is best to just survive and life my life in peace because I cannot take responsibility for the suffering and thus I choose to numb myself to it", that this statement is not simply a decision that affects me - it is a living statement that affects all who would rather have a world of support and coexistence and mutual consideration, but would look upon my example - my acceptance - and by the very same reasoning that I had used, would instead convince themselves that it is in fact "impossible" based on the way that I myself have accepted that very notion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT SEE the simplicity - that each time I look upon "others" in my world or when I consider the state of affairs that our world is in, and use "others" as my template for how to react and define myself - I am already giving up and abdicating my responsibility and I am accepting within me the very heart of the problem. So if I see that I am greatly influenced by how I perceive others and how I experience the way this world functions in relation to how I think others act and relate to the world - then if I adopt the very same view of giving up and believing the system cannot be changed to support all life equally - then I am every bit as much a participant and every bit as much a part of the "problem" - because by my very acceptance I become yet another example - yet another point of "giving up" in the world - and those who are seeking for signs that there could be another way - those who are seeking for signs that they are not alone in seeing that this world cannot continue the way it is and that they are not crazy for wanting to do something about it - these individuals who may one day make a difference in this world might see my example - my acceptance of failure and self-interest - and may instead decide that it is in fact pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I choose self-interest and living my own life because of accepting and believing that the system cannot be changed, and that it would come at too high a personal cost - because nobody "else" is doing it or standing up or willing to stand with me through it - I am making a decision based on self-interest and wanting for others to stand up before me, and wanting the system to already change so that I do not have to walk through it and face it - and that I am wanting to BUY and TAKE something before I actually pay for the time and labor and effort that must go into what I would like to have.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen or realized that the more I choose self interest and the more I numb myself into accepting a "normal life" within the current system, the more difficult it becomes not only for myself but for all others who would want to actually change the world system to something much better and can actually support and nurture all life - because while accepting the current system and living the average "normal life", I require to also accept and condone massive abuse, exploitation, and suffering and the deliberate oppression of nature, the animal kingdom, and humanity - so that my money con remain valuable and our bubble can be sustained further before crash landing in reality.

Therefore -

I commit myself to, when and as that point arises where I entertain the thought "It's pointless" or "We're never going to make an impact or solve anything", stop myself and realize that the nature of the thoughts that I allow within me is the nature of who and what I am accepting and allowing in this world, and therefore if I want to change this world, then I must direct myself and stop accepting any statement that is NOT best for all.

I commit myself to prove and show that when anyone chooses anything that is less than what is best for all, consequences are created from that moment that must be faced not only by self, but by all of the lives that may otherwise have been "touched" by our own acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to prove to myself that I am able to direct and change the nature of who I am, and to stand as an example of that change within a point of realizing how people are often greatly influenced by what they see of others - and thus with this understanding I assert myself and establish myself as an example of the change that is necessary for this world.

Day 140 - WHY it is actually STUPID to get angry or impatient with OTHERS

A point that is very prominent in this world is the point of seeing that the way things are going is not working, and becoming angry about the situation, and in this anger and frustration blaming others and demanding that others "change" or that others will just "get the picture" and that others will just "see the common sense" and sort out their issues.

It is very easy and tempting to see the "solution" to a problem that we are experiencing - but here we are only considering the solution that is best for ourselves and our only consideration is for our own problem to be fixed - and so long as we do not experience this problem anymore, then apparently all is well and right in the world - and therefore it is paramount that our problem be fixed, so that we can be alright with ourselves and our world again.

What is NOT considered is that when we see "another" as being or another group as the problem - when we state to ourselves that "they are the ones not changing, they are the ones not seeing, they are the ones that are creating a problem for me and they are REFUSING to change!" - we in fact do the most counterproductive thing we can ever do - we actually make the "problem" worse - we make it bigger than ourselves - we place it squarely upon the shoulders of others and actually make it impossible for ourselves to see what the actual dimensions of our "problem" are - we fail to see the history, the context, the entire situation, from the perspective of all beings involved, and all of the consequences at stake - and by holding on to and focusing only on wanting to fix our own problem - wanting to make things right for ourselves.

Why does the problem seem to get WORSE when we frame it as though it is somebody else's fault and that they are not doing what is necessary and that they are not changing and that they are not cooperating? Why does it seem that whenever there is a point of conflict in our world and another being or another group of people are blamed and we demand that they change and fix the problem we are experiencing, that it seems like they either don't care, or are simply incompetent and/or unwilling to put in the effort?

The answer is deceptively simple - if we stop considering the other person(s) to be the point that is causing our OWN experiences of frustration or fear or anxiety - when we instead see the other person(s) rather as a mirror that can only show us who and what we are and reveal to us the things that we are ALREADY accepting and living but refuse to admit is actually within us - then we can see very easily and in a way quite comically why we can get so angry at the reflection in the mirror and why it seems that no matter how much we scream and shout and beat our chests in trying to change that reflection, the uglier, the more spiteful, the more stubborn that darn reflection seems to get.

And incidentally have you ever noticed how sometimes, when you've got over the same point over and over with the other person or when you've dealt with the same issue over and over and it just won't budge and the same problems and conflicts keep coming up, and you for a moment kind of "let it go" - because you get tired and there is really no point in fighting it anymore - so you instead kind of walk away and "let it be" for a moment and focus on other things in your life - you sometimes find that the original point actually sorts itself out or the solution becomes quite simple and natural?
Here one requires self-honesty and practical common sense to be able to see how this works and be able to work with it so that when we experience a person or a certain point in our lives being in consistent conflict - where things just aren't working and it seems the other person is just NOT listening and is just NOT getting it no matter what we try to do to get through to them and make them change or take responsibility for something and it's just NOT WORKING - to be able to see the bigger picture and realize that we have been so "in your face" and confrontational and trying to fix the reflection in the mirror that we forget to just take a step back, and realizing that what we are seeing and experiencing in OURSELVES is NOT something outside of us refusing to change for us - it is that we narrowed our focus and our vision on the parts of ourselves that we have separated ourselves from to such a degree that we actually see it as 'outside' of us and will try to attack or try to fix what is outside instead of first taking a look at ourselves and being clear as to why and how we are even SEEING this point, and experiencing such conflict about it in the first place.

Thus -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I see I become irritated and annoyed with another when they are sharing a point, or when they are expressing themselves in a particular way, or they are doing something that just "gets on my nerves" and they will not change - to NOT see and realize that it has NOTHING AT ALL to do with the other person - because even if they are doing something in a way that I do not find practical - it still does not in any way explain how and why I personally experience something WITHIN MYSELF - because I am the only one here IN MY SELF!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because I experience a point of frustration or annoyance or conflict whenever a particular person or a particular event happens, that it is because of the other person or the event that I am experiencing something INSIDE MYSELF, and to NOT see and realize that it does not matter how many times a person does a particular thing, or how many times a particular event comes up or a particular challenge in my life presents itself - because when I am HERE, and when I am clear with myself and have given myself the support and clarity to be able to see the issue for what it is - the it is simply a matter of applying the correction and working WITH the point and directing it in the best way possible - so why the hell would it be necessary at all to even get angry or upset or anxious or annoyed when I am clear about how to work with the point?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I have made a point clear to another about an issue that requires to be directed, and they are not directing it in a way that I prefer and I am not getting to have the kind of EXPERIENCE that I want to have, that it is the other person's fault and that they are holding me back - when I am the one who is NOT standing equal with the other, standing AS a solution and an example - because if I REALLY want the point to change, then I must be and live that change and take equal responsibility for it - which also means I have to STOP judging it and fearing it and stop separating myself from all the dimensions involved in it - otherwise I am only wanting to change another or force a change in my reality just to make myself FEEL better.

I see, realize, and understand that it is actually not possible to change another - and to demand that others change or to demand the world or the systems that are here change just because I see it would be better, only proves to me that I am separating myself from being the solution - and that I am only getting frustrated and making demands and waiting for others to change because I myself DO NOT UNDERSTAND and have not actually, fully considered the problem in all of its dimensions, and thus I am waiting for others to just do it and blaming others for my own experiences of self diminishment and fear.

Therefore -

I commit myself to, when and as there is a situation or a persistent problem or conflict in my world such as a person or a particular pattern that is triggering and activating experiences of anger, frustration, impatience within me, I bring the point back to myself and I DO NOT try to fix the other person or try to force a change in my world without first addressing my experiences of anger, impatience, irritation. Instead I write the point out and support myself in seeing what it is that I am actually reacting to and what I am actually facing and seeing WITHIN MYSELF, which this person/event/pattern is reflecting to me as my reflection.

I commit myself to, in those moments when I get angry because of another person or impatient because something is not going the way that I want in order to have the kind of result and experience that I want, breathe through the temptation to speak from a point of reaction or friction - because the words that I speak have an effect on my world and those in my life which have consequences that I am responsible for - because I am the one allowing such words to be spoken through me instead of ensuring that when I speak about a point and when I direct a point in my life, I do so having considered what is actually best for all and am willing to walk with ALL dimensions and persons involved with it - so there is no blame or judgment, but an actual WALKING and dedication to do whatever it takes, however long it may initially take, for the solution to be real for all.

I commit myself to live and prove that it is in fact possible to STOP blaming others and to STOP becoming frustrated with people and with events in our lives - and actually change myself and clear up my own reactions and judgments, so that I can walk with ANYONE in directing a point WITH them - because "them" is myself, my own reflection - and it makes things much smoother and generally much more enjoyable and even potentially great fun when I stop making ugly faces and being antagonistic to MY OWN REFLECTION, and then react to it.

This is not something magical or mystical - but it is a specific process that requires that one consistently applies self-honesty and self-forgiveness - to be able to identify those moments when we forget that we are seeing the reflection of ourselves and thus are only focusing on the negative and the bad that we have separated ourselves from and do not want to admit or see is actually within us. This process is challenging and requires time - but it's effects are nothing short of life-changing in ways that are REAL and lasting. The tools are simple and specific and the training and support for those ready to give this to themselves is available FREE when one is ready to STOP judging their reflections and dare to actually CHANGE. Sign up for the free courses - the free material and training - and begin with Desteni I Process now before the reflection becomes too much - and we actually do end up believing that there is nothing we can do about what we've become and what our reflections are showing us.

Day 139 - Just when everything was starting to go so well...

 

It is very easy for us to become attached to certain things especially when it is in relation to things that we experience as being "good", and "going very well", and also especially when this point is seen as a solution to a problem instead of seeing and realizing the actual "problem", whatever it may be, is a result from a relationship dynamic where we separate ourselves from the point and we do not take CONTEXT into practical consideration - which I will in further detail describe and walk in this post.

The point is always to consider context and realizing that as things progress and change and expand, so too does the context of our reality, and with this change in context also comes a change in how best to live and apply the principle of what is best for all in practicality and common sense.

Consider that there may be certain moments or experiences or people in our lives that are completely relevant and supportive in a specific context - and here things are quite cool - but after a while perhaps new insights and new expansions come into play and the context of that situation changes - and with this change in context comes also the realization that how things were working before do not necessarily apply in the same manner in the current context.


A very simple example of this -

I am certain that those who are now reading this blog do not have any judgment about there being a time in our lives when we could not walk - when we were very young and new to this world and we were just beginning to practice walking and learning how to work with our little bodies.
There were moments when we would fall and we would not be able to sustain ourselves for very long before collapsing down and perhaps in some of those moments we get hurt or we may become frustrated with ourselves and we cry. These behaviors are NOT acceptable as adults now - but when we were little children this behavior was completely acceptable - this is because the context is different.

Nobody judges a baby for falling down when they are attempting to take their first steps, and the baby certainly doesn't take it personally or just decide that they cannot do it and decide to never learn how to walk. Nobody blames or judges the baby for needing to have their diapers changed and their bottoms wiped, and certainly no adult beats themselves up now thinking about how bad it was and how stupid is was that they needed diapers and constant changing. This is the importance of context and how understanding context is very important to having a practical and supportive assessment of our living.

Today most of us would not want somebody constantly holding our hands, or wiping our butts and feeding food into our mouths - this would be very embarrassing to say the least especially around our friends and colleagues. But back when we were little children there was a support - there was an understanding - and there was an acceptance because the context of our needs, our limitations, our vulnerabilities were understood and not taken personally - we had people holding our hands, wiping our butts, and feeding food into our mouths because in the context of who we were in those moments, that was best for all - that was common sense - that was necessary in that moment for us to remain stable, for us to have an environment where we can grow and adapt and change.


Now as adults as we are facing our own various points of change and self-expansion, and we will become more and more aware of ourselves and our patterns - especially those who are walking the Journey to Life and/or have been participating in the Desteni I Process where the approach to self-change is more self-directed and in many ways accelerated as opposed to learning from repeating consequences and having to "fall" on many points over and over before we finally "get it" - there will undoubtedly be moments where we see that a certain part of our lives or our relationships is no longer supporting us, or that certain things we have attached enjoyment and value to no longer have the same satisfaction that it did before and it is very easy to become lost within feeling as though we have messed up or that others are now keeping us from our stability or "happiness".

But when we see the context clearly and STOP judging and STOP taking things personally, letting go of an old pattern or anything that we have become attached to because it gave us a sense of stability or enjoyment becomes much easier and less painful - whether it is a point within ourselves or a point that we are seeing through observing others and reacting to others. It is to understand that the very ability for us to now see this point shows us that we have become more aware of ourselves and we have expanded our beingness and our considerations, and that we have now come to a point where the context is different.

During such expansions and realizations, there can be friction and perhaps conflict - where the "old ways" and "old relationships" and "old patterns" simply don't work anymore, and simply aren't as relevant anymore - but INSTEAD of going into the point of believing that we have done something wrong, or that things are not working like they are supposed to, or that there is something that others are doing that is affecting our otherwise "working" and "stable" world - rather to consider that we have reached a point of context change - that we have not lost the point of stability or enjoyment in our world - that rather it is now time to stop depending on other people or other points separate from ourselves, and realize that we are now able to stand as the point - just as the little child eventually stands on their own two feet instead of depending on the comfort and support of parents.

Therefore, when one sees that a certain pattern or behavior or a certain element of one's relationship seems to be "not working" - it does not mean that it is broken or that we are doing something bad or that others are not cooperating with us- it is to, in these moments, be HERE and realize that we have come to a moment and opportunity of CHANGE and expansion - and it is alright to begin letting go of what no longer is necessary and what no longer is supportive in this new context and looking at how we can now change what is here in our environment, in our relationships, in our job - to be an expression of an 'expanded' and more self-directed version of who we are.

Thus in those moments of wanting to go into judgment about who we have been and what we have not seen and realized until now - to give ourselves the same acceptance and patience and understanding - and embracing the context of our needs, our limitations, our vulnerabilities, our particular flaws and imperfections, understanding that they do NOT define us or who we will be - the same way we do not judge our young children for not being able to run when they haven't yet understood what it is to STAND.

Day 138 - If I miss a point, then surely I suck at EVERYTHING

As we walk the process of self-change, often times a particular point becomes "highlighted" in our daily lives and it seems as though everything else comes to a stop and we tend to fixate on this one problem at the expense of all other movement, and it can seem like this point trumps all others and we go into a point of self-doubt and self-defeat, and we take it personally when we see that there are still points within us that we react to and experience anxiety and fear to/towards.

As we move within our process and work through certain points and begin to assert ourselves as the directive principle of our own lives, certain things that used to really bug us and keep us distracted in our minds begin to have less of a hold on us - and as this space within ourselves begins to clear up there is a tendency to believe that the relief and experience of there "finally" being some breathing room - where we are "finally" able to relax for just a little bit, having moved through many points that have been in the way will remain with us - as though the extra space and sense of release we experience should be a permanent thing.

What we tend to not consider is that once such a "space" opens up wherein other points in our lives have been effectively directed and we for a moment experience some release - is that other, suppressed, compounded points are able to now "rise" up from the depths of our being so to speak, and as these suppressed points begin emerge (or re-emerge) it is easy to fall into the belief that just because that "space" that had opened up is now being taken up by this suppressed or re-emerging point, that it somehow means that what we have already done for ourselves before was invalid - that somehow we must have failed and we must not actually be getting anywhere, because that momentary experience of release seems to now be gone and replaced with this other point.

Another thing that tends to happen is that this emerging point then seems "bigger" than what it actually is - but this is a trick that we allow ourselves to fall for within NOT seeing and understanding that whatever point is emerging within us and seems so "vast" and "overwhelming" - where we experience a high "sensitivity" around this point - is simply due to comparing this point to the "opened space" that we previously created for ourselves, and in this comparison this emerging point seems bigger and more overwhelming than that it actually is.

A way that I have seen to support myself through this is to for a moment allow myself to realize that I am experiencing an increased sensitivity/touchiness regarding a particular point - where it seems the slightest thing that has anything to do with the point that is emerging can easily "set me off" - and that this is NOT to be judged and to NOT beat myself up for having such points emerge - because the very fact that it is now emerging and I am allowing myself to experience the and be self-honest with the conflict that is now being generated - shows me that I am now READY to take responsibility for this point.

Here, I further support myself within realizing that certain deeply embedded points and patterns will take quite some time to fully walk through and transcend - and as I work through certain layers and dimensions of a point, other layers and dimensions may then arise - and this does NOT mean that I am not being effective in my application or that the point is "too much" for me to handle - it simply shows that I am now READY for whatever layer/dimension of this point I require to work through in this moment. And even if it IS the same point over and over - to not be discouraged at how "overwhelming" it may seem - because I am simply facing a point that I have faced before and did not fully walk through, so this time I can again consider what I didn't give myself the courage to do before, and where I did not yet trust myself - and walk this point again.

So in a way, those moments of "Oh crap, I was so stable and cool and clear with myself earlier but NOW I have this point coming up and all this friction - this must mean I wasn't stable - which means I cannot trust my self-application!" are actually a cool test of self-trust and self-honesty - because when we are clear that we are practically supporting ourselves, we can easily move out of the reaction and stop beating ourselves up over the point - and simply realize that this is the point that is here and it is here because we are ready for this layer/dimension of it.

However, when we have NOT been effective in our self-support and we instead go into a reaction/self defeat over the point and we do NOT move ourselves out of it in a timely manner - this does NOT mean we cannot change or take responsibility for the point - rather that we need to re-commit ourselves with the decision to slow down, forgive ourselves, and develop a self-acceptance and self-intimacy with the point - so that we can stop judging it and stop reacting to it, and begin again to correct ourselves no matter how many times we may have fallen "in the past".

Therefore in those moments of "Oh crap, I was so stable and cool with myself earlier but now I am not stable and I am uncomfortable - I haven't changed anything at all!" - realize that this is NOT an indication that we have failed or that we have not changed - realize that within this process we will work through many points and many dimensions and there will be a moment of "stability" and a kind of "peace" within ourselves - but to NOT go into unnecessary backchat and reactions when/if that moment of "peace" becomes disturbed by another point emerging or re-emerging.

Day 137 - What is Self-Integrity?

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Tonight I am having a look at the word “integrity” and what that means to me, and within this blog show how easy it is to misconstrue the word “integrity” within the context of how this word is actually being applied.

In the widely accepted understanding of the word “integrity”, a person who has integrity does a kind of personal or moral code of conduct, or a set of ethics that the person will abide by, and this set of rules essentially becomes the principle behind what this person will accept or will not accept – what this person will do, or will not do. A person of “integrity” would not put up with something that was in violation of this set of rules – because to allow something contradictory to this personal principle would be to undermine the persons “integrity”.

We are taught that to have integrity is to in a way stand staunchly firm within a certain conviction or set of personal principles – basically rules or “laws” that one follows, and when these sets of rules are followed and stuck to without wavering even if it means conflict or adversity for the person, it can be said that this person has “integrity” because no matter what, they stuck to their convictions even at personal risk.

The problem that arises from this is that “integrity” too often becomes defined only by the set of rules or principles that a person adopts - without taking into context why and how such rules are relevant, or whether they are relevant at all, in the context of what is in fact best for everyone instead of what benefits some at the expense of others.

When “integrity” causes one to diminish one’s clarity and one’s ability to see this reality for what it is instead of what we are expected to see it as, this is NOT integrity.
When “integrity” causes a person to make decisions that are based on trying to keep things under control so that one does not have to experience the consequences of a world saturated in inequality and exploitation, this is NOT integrity.

When “integrity” causes a person to diminish their inherent value as a human being, and places them into a situation where they must continually dishonor and disregard themselves as well as fellow human beings in the name of survival, this is NOT integrity.

When “integrity” causes a person to continually participate in a system that rapaciously exploits and corrupts the inherent dignity and value of life, this is NOT integrity.

When “integrity” causes a person to keep secrets and condone practices that abuse and depend on fraud and public misdirection, this is NOT integrity.

But despite these clarifications, this false “integrity” is readily and shamelessly sold to us through the examples set by business leaders, politicians, advertising agencies, and anyone else who has a vested interest in keeping the general public in a perpetual slave state – and to actually see this state of obedience as a signature of “integrity”.

A person with “integrity” does not bind themselves within a set of rules that must be followed – a person with actual integrity sees and understands that morality and rules exist and are only relevant to the context that they exist within – meaning a rule, a certain tenet of faith, or a certain personal or moral “code” of conduct is applicable and relevant only in the correct context, and this context is not fixed or static.

A person with actual integrity is one who always makes their decisions and actions based on what is best for all – even when such actions and decisions require that one for a moment violate the false “moral” or “ethical” bounds of “integrity” that is widely sold to the public to ensure that nobody actually stands up in the face of personal risk and discomfort, to challenge a system that in EVERY WAY violates true integrity

Therefore here I am opening up the point of “Integrity” and what it means to have “integrity” within the current system, and what it means to work with what is here without judgment and develop a point of self-integrity even in the face seemingly unethical or immoral situations that arise in one’s world especially in relation to one’s work – and having a look at how one can still have real and practical “integrity” even in the context of being in situations where one’s personal morals or principles conflict with doing what is actually best for all.

Day 136 - What do I want? CHANGE! When do I want it? SOONER THAN POSSIBLE!!!

Tonight is an unofficial continuation from the previous post - Day 135 - Two Steps Forward for One Step Back wherein I touched upon the point of feeling overwhelmed and seeing/noticing that there are many things that I require to decide and direct, but going into a kind of defeatism and becoming annoyed with “How much I have to do still”. In introduced the solution and realization of for a moment LETTING GO of the point so that I am able to stabilize myself and then look at the point again to practically assess what is able to be done, and be clear with myself as to what is simply NOT practical to be done in a moment, and from this be able to move effectively instead of trying to attain to some picture/fantasy idea of what it is I think I need to have already achieved.

Tonight I will be working with this point in further detail.

A main point that I have been seen is the tendency to go into the idea of “I am NOT doing enough! Where have I BEEN? My application and dedication is NOT consistent and NOT acceptable!” but in these statements there is an emotional charge of guilt – which in a way is really just complaining and whining and is an excellent tactic to ensure that instead of practically taking responsibility for one’s approach to tasks or responsibilities, one will instead remain in a kind of self-imposed “hopelessness” or depression and thus not actually correct the initial point.

I find that this is specific to moments when one allows the mind to take things out of context and deliberately reframe and manipulate the facts of one’s reality – and this is especially the case when new realizations open up or new insights open up – or a new dimension of oneself has been uncovered and here there is a “sudden” sense of “I knew this all along – I had this insight all along – so why haven’t I changed?” – and from that statement it is so very easy to just slip and slide into the idea or belief that just because these new layers and realizations have come through – that it invalidates everything that we had done to support ourselves and blame ourselves for not “already” transcending these points.

The other interesting point within such moments of irrational thinking is how we can then go further into our minds about it and allow ourselves to go into a sense of believing we now have to “make up for lost time” and that we have to again “prove” ourselves and make SURE that these new insights and realizations are lived RIGHT AWAY – without taking the actual timeline and context of our living and our reality into consideration.

Thus, we launch into a point of wanting to redeem ourselves so that we can ‘look good’ and maybe this way nobody else will suspect us or judge us for the guilt/shame and self-judgment we are creating within ourselves – and from this starting point of wanting to get “caught up” and immediately become the “change” from a starting point of rush or self-judgment and wanting to just “get it over with” so that we can stop judging ourselves, we actually end up NOT changing, but instead create an alternate reality in which we have apparently “failed” and the only way to redeem ourselves to our own idea of ourselves and get rid of the conflict/shame/guilt we experience is to “hurry up and make amends” – and so we over extend ourselves, we push ourselves more than we have pushed previously to live up to this expectation, only to find that we again run out of energy and we again return to the same point of dissatisfaction.

So all those experiences of “What have I been doing? It was all for nothing! What is the point? I have so much I need to change and correct now – it is so overwhelming. How can I CATCH UP?!?!” – those experiences are actually a way of taking our realizations completely out of context – and going into an alternate reality in which to basically keep ourselves in a bubble of self-judgment instead of realizing that CHANGE is a process that must be done in real time, moment by moment – and that allowing ourselves to feel overwhelmed is actually a point of self-interest where we want things to be done instantly without actual work or effort – where we expect to be able to just immediately start enjoying the fruits of labor that we have NOT yet put in, and then becoming upset that we cannot do MORE than what we are practically and realistically able to do in each moment.

It is similar to realizing you are on a bus traveling the wrong direction, and this bus has been going at a relatively high speed for quite some time. You realize that for a long time this bus has been taking you in the WRONG DIRECTION away from the actual destination you would like to be at, and expected to at least be closer to by now – but in realizing that this is not the case, an immediate urge is to STOP THE BUS IMMEDIATELY and TURN AROUND NOW – so that you can get back, as soon as possible, to where you would actually like to go, or to catch up to others who are now closer to the destination than you are, who have been on the “right track”, and you do not want to be “left behind”.

There is of course a problem here – because this bus has been accumulating momentum while you were not aware – and to demand the bus stop immediately and instantly turn around WITHOUT practical consideration of the terrain, the speed of the bus, the amount of time the bus had been traveling this way, and the consequences of making such a sharp and dramatic turn is NOT going to work out well.

Rather, a more practical approach here is realizing that it is going to require some time to adjust and re-align, to allow consideration for not just your own desires and demands to catch up with others or to arrive at your destination, but to also consider that you are in a fragile and vulnerable vehicle that works in real-time, and has real consequences. And to also consider that just because others may appear to be closer to the destination you want to already be at, it does not mean you are being left behind – you will only reach that destination by making sure you are going the right direction and making adjustments wherever you see you can – and do so as practically and realistically as possible – understanding that you may first have to undo the momentum, get to a stable speed, make your turn, align yourself with the road again, and not wasting more time wishing you had “seen this earlier” instead of beginning your course correction.

It is thus the same with seeing new realizations and insights that show us that we still have adjustments to make if we are to be and become who we truly would like to be in this world – and those moments where we see we have not been effective – where we have made mistakes and did not give ourselves the practical care and consideration to change our course effectively – only make the actual correction and re-alignment a longer and more slippery process.

Thus in such moment of becoming possessed in overwhelmingness and wanting to immediately change because we see we are not going in a direction that we want to be going – realize that it is actually cool that we are seeing this, and realizing this now instead of blindly plowing forward – but within this realization to consider that it is a process – and trying to speed up and do more than what is practical is NOT going to be effective – so rather allow ourselves for a moment to really SLOW DOWN, get stable, do what we can in each moment, and trust that within directing ourselves to slow down we are NOT falling behind – but stopping the momentum that has already been built up, so that we can in fact move in a different direction clear and stable instead of still trying to juggle and manage the consequences of our previous misdirection while attempting to set a new path.