Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Day 184 - Driving Dangerously with the Mind and Momentum

Tonight I am having a look at the difference between having “momentum” and having “motivation” and why it is important to have a clear definition and understanding of these terms.

Often times I would find myself to be in a particular “mode” where there is a new opportunity or there is some particular challenge within my life and facing this point, I summon up a kind of “motivation” where I become quite focused and determined within myself, and will set out in earnest on my new path with every expectation of seeing it through to the end – only to find that this “motivation” would eventually turn into something else and where there was once a passion or a drive or a “hope” towards some outcome there would instead be a sense of “dread” and reluctance and feeling as though I just got myself into a situation or circumstance that was not actually “the right choice”.

But having gone into it with such enthusiasm and determination in the beginning, a new “layer” seems to be created which is that even though I can now see my starting point was not clear and was based on excitement and positive energy and hope, I had within that initiated a sequence of events and actions that now cannot be “undone” and as I move and turn to correct the direction I am heading in, there is an experience of waves of resistance born from the initial excitement of hope and positivity and the emotional/energetic charge of “determination” – and what this indicates is that over time as I engaged in sequences of events based on an initial point of excitement and positivity and projecting an outcome in the “future”, what was building up and accelerating was a kind of “momentum” – where day after day of doing the same thing and going after that projected future and building my expectations on hope and developing a kind of focus and tunnel vision where all that mattered was that particular end result, and within this kind of focus one can indeed accomplish many things but when things become so accelerated and one’s days begin to grow more and more similar, repeating the same motions and actions and looking ever forward to that projected outcome it becomes very easy to lose sight of one’s actual starting point and as well to lose one’s relationship to the words “motivation” and “momentum”.

So here I am sharing what I have seen when looking at the dynamics of this –

When motivation is self-directed in each moment,  one is always “in control” from the perspective of one being able to see immediately where one’s course or direction or where one’s words or relationships are heading in a direction that is actually contrary to where one actually wants to be.

When motivation is self-directed in each moment – meaning one is fully here in each breath and really here with each decision, each action, each word spoken/written/thought – there is no accumulation of energy and there is no “momentum” building up from the perspective of one slipping into an ‘autopilot’ mode.

A practical way of looking at this is to imagine when one is driving and for a moment one loses one’s awareness and focus and essentially dozing off behind the wheel only to snap back to reality moments later to realize that one has missed the turn that one was supposed to have made, and is now travelling far too quickly to be able to turn safely. To now suddenly apply the brakes would cause more consequences because one had built up speed and “momentum” and had merged into the general “flow” of traffic where there are others in one’s vicinity also driving, having matched your speed and momentum, and thus if you apply your brakes suddenly and try to veer off into that turn you had missed, you would not only place yourself in danger, but will also create consequences for other drivers sharing your lane.

Now – to put this into a more personal framework, the same principle applies to when one sees that the direction that one has taken is not leading to where one in self-honesty actually wants to go, but because of the amount of time and the relationships that have formed and the various sequences of events that have taken place in one’s physical world, it is at times not possible and often not supportive to suddenly “change everything” without considering what kind of momentum one has built up, or how one’s living and decisions have affected the lives of others who have had to make their own decisions and choices based on your own – and even though each person is ultimately responsible for themselves and their own choices, it does NOT remove one from being responsible for taking into consideration the positioning and the relative ability of others to respond to your decisions and choices in a responsible and stable way – just as it is NOT acceptable to swerve one’s car suddenly and without warning just because one apparently has the “right” to do so because they do not want to go the “wrong way” – one has to take into consideration one’s part in the “bigger picture” and just like driving on a highway or busy street, there are times when one has to for a moment consider whether or not making a sudden correction may cause negative consequences to others that cannot be undone, and realize that if you want others to take you into consideration, you must be do the same and be the living example of that EVEN IF it seems nobody else is actually doing it.

So in my personal life I have seen this particular dimension a few times – where decisions were made, words were spoken, or actions were taken within a point of reaction or energy – which can be both positive OR negative, hopeful OR despondent, dominant OR passive – where one was not actually fully HERE, taking into consideration the bigger picture and the consequences that flow from one’s words and actions, and instead trusted  one’s “gut instinct” or trusted one’s emotions/feelings – whether they were positive or negative – instead of looking at the situation clearly and without energy and making the choice that is in all ways best for all – which can really only be seen when one lets go for a moment of the tunnel vision that we create where all that matters is our own personal destination and our own personal need to “get somewhere”, which separates us from the road we are traveling on, the fellow travelers on the path, and our relationship to the very vehicle (in this case our living, physical body) that we are traveling with, and blinds us from seeing that the actual “destination” is not some place just for us that we have to race toward and be willing to drive others off the road for, or cut people off in order to get to, or to speed so far ahead that we leave behind the very fellow travelers that once traveled one and equal with us.

The actual destination that we are all equally embarked on is the Journey to Life – is the passage out of our individual tunnels of self-interest and narrow vision so that we can see that we are, and have ALWAYS BEEN, responsible not only for how we walk our own life, but how our living contributes to and affects the lives of all others – that there is in fact no separation but it’s illusion made real through our minds and personal separations and ego – and as such whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, we can no more accurately deny the consequences of our words and actions any more than we can rewind time or retract an arrow that has been loosed from a bow. And here, there is a kind of “finality” to what we do and what we say in the time that we have left – because once something is done, it is really done and cannot be ‘edited’ to fit our ideals or intentions in looking back. We cannot re-write our history to justify where we are now – but we CAN begin immediately a process of slowing down our momentum, of signaling to others that we are now engaged in a change in direction – that where we have been traveling is no longer taking is where we need to be, and that we are taking into consideration that others will have to adjust to our change. This we do with care and understanding to not cause unnecessary trauma or reaction – but also we do this with a sense of urgency – knowing that the longer we stay on a path that is not best for all, the further the detour will be for us to get back on track – and at some point if we do not correct our course, there is no turning back.

In the blogs to follow I will continue on this point of “momentum” and “motivation” as well as expand on what I have seen as “course correction” and how it can be consequential if done dangerously OR if done too late.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Day 183 - Balancing Dominance and Submission Part Two


Within all things, there is a point where something is able to exist within harmony and balance in a way that is best for all – meaning that there is always a way to bring points to a common, supportive, and mutually beneficial agreement in which characteristics or traits that are usually contradictory or polar opposites of each other can actually bring out each others strengths andoffset each others weaknesses.

To this end, I am opening up this point of “submissiveness” in relation to “dominance” and how there are qualities within “submissiveness” which can be quite supportive when it is utilized in the proper context and understanding – and also how “submissiveness” can become a limiting and self-diminishing point that not only has negative consequences for self, but also by extension negative consequences for others in one’s world.

The key is always to realize that there is strength within all things one may perceive as weak – and there is weakness in all things that one may perceive as strength. Within this concept, it is about having self-awareness and being able to decide what part of the equation one is standing within – is one utilizing a particular trait/characteristic in a way that is best for all and brings out the best in all that one interacts with, or is one utilizing one’s traits/characteristics in a way that only benefits self-interest, ego, and causes diminishment and separation/conflict within one’s world?

Submissiveness firstly requires some definition and clarity. When I speak here of “submissiveness” I am not talking about being completely powerless or having no self-will. I am not speaking here submissiveness from the perspective of being inferior or a slave.

The word “submissiveness” tends to have certain connotations in people’s minds so it may help to see “submissiveness” as describing the “feminine”/creative/passive/reflective/holistic nature, as opposed to “dominance” which can be seen as describing the “masculine”/structural/expressive/directive/logical nature.

Some characteristics and traits that can be supportive within this kind of “submissiveness” would be patience, the ability to see things unconditionally from another’s perspective without judgment, the ability to see things in a unified and whole picture instead of as the sum of individual parts, and the ability to work with principles and intangible concepts and turn them into practical applications.

However – when one becomes out of balance and shifts into a polarity of being overly submissive – there are negative consequences that can manifest such as becoming overly dependent on external figures of authority, having difficulty working with things that are based on linear logic and reason, being easily swayed by emotions and polarity swings, being overly focused on the past, not having practical self-will or self-trust and thus allowing things that are abusive to continue despite being aware of the consequences, and becoming too much of a “dreamer” instead of taking practical action in one’s life.

What I have come to see is that this “submissiveness” is not so much a specific personality or characteristic – but is a kind of “nature” so to speak that can exist in varying degrees within an individual and depending on whether or not this particular nature is aligned effectively, it can manifest and come through within the various characters and personalities that exist within the mind – and the same applies for “dominance” which I will explore later on.

For now, self-forgiveness on patterns that I have identified within having an imbalanced nature of “submissiveness”.

The word “submissiveness”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word “submissiveness” the idea or belief that being submissive means one has no power and no authority and is therefore something “bad” and negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider redefining my relationship to the word and nature of “submissiveness” to understand it’s practical strengths so that I can better utilize them within my self-creation, and to as well understand it’s potential weaknesses, so that I am able to supplement and assist/support myself to not be a victim within submissiveness due to ignorance and lack of self-intimate understanding within the nature of “submissiveness”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those who are submissive are weak and open to abuse and are gullible and thus “deserve” any abuse they experience within this world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself until now, to see, realize, and understand that the negative and diminishing expressions of submissiveness are symptoms of imbalance and should not be seen as submissiveness itself.

I commit myself to redefine my relationship with this word and the concepts that it expresses – to remove my own thoughts and ideas and opinions about what it means to bring “submissiveness” into equilibrium within myself that I may utilize it’s supportive qualities and strengths as well as understand it’s weaknesses so that I can support myself and others effectively when there is an imbalance of this “nature”.

I will continue with more aspects/dimensions in blogs to follow.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Day 182 - Balancing Dominance and Submission - Part One

In my previous blog I introduced the point of “Dominator and Submissive” – which are two distinct and polar opposite manifestations that can occur within a person’s development and how over the years there can be a tendency for one point to become more focused/developed than the other – and how this can cause imbalance and conflict in a person’s world.

For much of my life, I had defined myself as being “more philosophical than literal”, and have for a long time accepted that I am “not able to do advanced mathematics” and that I tend to relate to my world and process information more holistically and metaphorically than logically. And for a long time I thought that this is simply “my personality” and that this is simply “who I am” – because indeed I have often experienced subjects such as math to be difficult and uninteresting whereas writing essays or participating in discussions and philosophy or ancient/hidden mysteries have been much more interesting for me.

But with this acceptance, I also came to accept myself more and more within the definition of being the “submissive” type, and over the years have more and more “tailored” myself to this alignment without stopping to question whether or not this is actually who I am, or whether the “person” that I have come to be is the result of acceptances and beliefs that I have simply allowed to develop “on its own” to such a point that I no longer separate who I am from who I am accepting myself as.

In this series of blogs I will be opening up and correcting for myself the dual characteristics of the “Dominator” and the “Submissive” which are qualities that we can see in everything in our reality but specifically I am dealing with the personal – in having a look at how these two points have, through my own acceptance and allowance, greatly influenced and shaped my development since childhood, and what this implies in terms of the ability to change who we are when we understand these concepts and take personal responsibility for them.

I will begin with the “Submissive” category of personality developments because this is the category that I have more dominantly lived in my lifetime – though here it is to realize that all things are a reflection point – meaning the “Dominator” and “Submissive” categories are polarities of each other, and where one exists, the other exists as well. The question here would be where is one more dominantly expressed/energized and where is the other more suppressed/unexpressed and how to establish a balance and harmony even in the face of extreme polarity. So here it is for us to see and determine what our own relationship/placement is in terms of “Dominance” and “Submission” to understand that one is not ‘better’ than the other and that as long as one point is more prominent and without a balancing point, one can more easily fall for the energies or personalities that resonate most with either dominance or submission.

In the next blog, I will begin with working with the category of “Submission” and the several ways this term can play out in one’s life and what consequences may manifest in our personal as well as inter personal lives when one is in an imbalance to “Submissiveness”

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Day 181 - Roots of Masters, Roots of Slaves

One of the most important things for a person to investigate and become aware of is the extent to which our childhood years have set the foundations and cornerstones for the person that we will grow into adulthood as – because during this formative years so much is retained within us that we do not at the time understand – and in the world that we live in today there is absolutely NO practical understanding by parents in terms of what is actually going on during a child’s development years and how critically important it is that a child’s environment be stable, that their health is well looked after, that there is emotional stability and real trust/intimacy between the parent and child.

It has taken me some time, but one of the things I have been discovering and becoming more clear on is the fact that the specific TYPE of energy that a person experiences most will influence the types of thoughts and feelings/emotions a person will create and generate, and these types of thoughts and emotions/feelings will further create a tendency within a person depending on the nature of thoughts/feelings/emotions they participate in most – and all of this begins in the beginning years of a child’s life.

I have come to see that childhood traumas – particularly those stemming from a child’s parent(s) and particularly where there is an element of emotional and/or physical abuse – are not just “wrong” in terms of a social standard – but are “wrong” from the perspective that such things create an inaccurate and thus wrong – meaning “not correct” – foundation point upon which a child must further develop.

One of the most damaging things that can happen is the loss of integrity a child has within their self-awareness and self-identification – where a child experiences emotionally abusive and damaging events that become suppressed within the child.

There is a very dangerous and ultimately damaging thing that can develop within a child that experiences trauma and loses connection or the ability to trust and develop the confidence to expand and face fears and challenges practically – because such children will internalize the traumas and throughout their lives will recreate the same patterns over and over, and often they will themselves become abusive toward others and should they have children of their own, the same cycles tend to repeat and thus the abuse continues and crosses generational lines and can become even more embedded within particular family lines across generations.

The specific point I will bring up here has to do with the subject of “learned helplessness” and the “victim” mentality – and how we can often become so blind to such things that we become abusers to others without actually being aware of the effect that we actually have on others.

There are two distinct points that tend to develop within people depending on the nature of the being and the kinds of energies/traumas that they experience during childhood, and as well as other factors such as generational predispositions and social influences, etc – and for the purpose of this blog and blog posts to follow in this series – I will call these two points DOMINATOR and SUBMISSIVE.
The Dominator is what can develop within a person who responds more to positive type energies, is more closely identified with “male” aspects/expressions than “female” ones, and tends to take on challenges and constantly seeks opportunities to “best” others through competition or displays of status/power. This type of person can be very driven, but this drive can be based in fear and needing to always be the “best” because this in a way brings security through status and social approval when on the inside there can be massive insecurities and anxieties that are not allowed to express due to fear of showing vulnerability or weakness – which may express through being reactive towards and dominant towards those they believe as “weaker” or “inferior”.

The Submissive is what can develop when a person responds more to negative type energies, is more closely identified with the “female” aspects/expressions than the “male” ones, and tends to shy away from challenges and would rather seek ways to not have to be in positions of responsibility or leadership due to internalized fears that they are inadequate or “unworthy”. This type of person can be very creative and sees things more deeply and with more complexity, but this can be stemming from over-internalization and fear of being direct and applying “force” of any kind and thus tends to be overly passive when actions are necessary, and are often easily taken advantage of by others. Such people can develop a dependency on outside structures and authority figures and will consider those who have authority or power to be superior, because the submissive believes him/herself to have no power of their own.

What we should realize here is that BOTH aspects are active in one way or another within each person – and that each and every human being on earth HAS gone through some level of trauma as a child – and when ONE form becomes the dominant aspect within a person to an extreme degree, what develops are disorders in individuals that eventually, as a group, can become disorders within complete societies – and this I will open up more in the blogs to follow.

For now, can you identify with being more of a Dominator or Submissive? Do you think one is better than the other? It is time for us to understand what these archetypes are, how they develop within us, and how SPECIFICALLY these become foundation points for MANY problems in our lives – but we can through understanding and being able to identify the memories and types of energy that we have suppressed and integrated ourselves with, free ourselves from both polarities and be able to take what seems to be polar opposite extremes and merge them in a way that produces what is best for all. 

For those interested in more detail about what REAL parenting should have always been, check out this series "Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race"