Here I continue with the point opened up a few posts ago in relation to childhood and the point that have influenced and determined to a great extent the kind of being that I would eventually 'grow up as'.
|Photo Design by Matti Freeman|
In this post I begin my process of opening up the point of 'childhood' with 'becoming a parent' - so in this way I walk my childhood from 'before the beginning' as the point of parents and the role/responsibility of parents as creators of life -
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that bringing a child into this world is a responsibility that has manifested consequences that extend beyond my own self-interest and my own considerations because the life that I am bringing here will be a reflection and copy of me, as who I really am and not the 'idealized' version that I might believe myself to be, and thus when I am faced with the point of bringing a child into this world I must consider whether or not the 'version of me' that will be copied and reproduced into this world will be of a version that is best for all and will have sufficient self-support and self-responsibility to be an example of life in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider whether or not I am able to ensure that the quality of life for the child that I am bringing into the world will be one that will produce a being that is effective and self-responsible and will have the necessary skills and abilities to ensure a life of quality and not compromise.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with the point of bringing forth a child into this world, not be self-honest with myself and to allow myself to be influenced and directed by the opinions and beliefs of others as my family, friends, and as the socially accepted ideas of the culture and society that I affiliate with, instead of making my decision based on what is best for all and whether I am able to stand within the decision into eternity without any point of uncertainty or doubt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within making the decision to bring a child into this world without fully considering my responsibility as a 'care-giver' to a life that I am responsible for bringing into existence, and within this to compromise the quality of life for the being that I am bringing into this world under my care.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the being that I am bringing forth into this world will enter this world fully vulnerable and fully trusting and will take on the qualities and behaviors that this being will be exposed to as it accumulates it's database of behavior self-programming – and thus if bring this child into an environment that is not aligned within properly supporting the child, I am in fact birthing the child into a life of abuse and thus I am responsible for the abuse that this child will endure and have to develop coping mechanisms for so that the child is able to adapt and 'survive' in the context that they are born into.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration that if I am not able to understand and support myself and have a stable position within the context of the world system that is currently here, then I am not in fact ready for the responsibility of taking care of another life, and that any being that I bring into this world will have to face the consequences and problems that I have not faced or directed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having children is what people are 'supposed to do' in order to maintain relationships and be socially acceptable and thus to compromise myself as well as the life that I bring into this world out of fear of being socially outcast when this fear is not in fact valid and has manifested consequences that exist and extend throughout lifetimes where by bringing forth a living being from the starting-point of fear and morality I have already made the statement that life is about compromising to fear, and that is the starting point that my child will be born into and from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the ultimate point of responsibility within bringing another life into existence and not see that this being will live an entire life and will go on to influence and affect all that is here in this existence and thus in this respect I am responsible for all that my children eventually become and all that my children may do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being absolutely responsible for the life of my child and the quality of life that my child will be able to have in their lifetime and to suppress this fear by listening to stories of parents or allowing myself to develop ideas and opinions about childbirth and having 'kids' that I have seen in movies or tv shows which are NEVER real portrayals of what it means to be a parent and the fully ramifications of bringing life into existence, and thus by suppressing this point of fearing responsibility compromise myself and produce/bring forth children that I was not self-honestly prepared or ready to support.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a world in which life is brought into existence without considering the full ramifications and consequences of such an action and to deny personal and absolute responsibility within the bringing forth of another being into this world within taking into consideration what this being will have to walk and face based on the kind of living environment that they are born into, and to not consider the other lives that this being will come into contact with and influence in the same way that I have come into contact with and influenced other beings in the world by my very example of living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself within honoring the life of any being that I may bring forth into the world by ensuring that this being will enter the world with the best possible support and care and recognition as the LIFE that they are which deserves nothing short of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and consider that to bring children into this world from a starting point that only takes my personal self-interest and ego into consideration will result in bringing into this world beings who will have to live and walk an entire lifetime in which the starting-point of their creation was not actually best for all, where their life was not taken into consideration or given the proper respect that all live deserves, and will have to live and face the consequences of my disrespect and inconsideration.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having children is a 'right' that all have and that it is somehow acceptable to bring children into this world without having a practical and functional understanding of what LIFE is and to thus allow children to be exposed to a world of abuse and exploitation in which the meaning of life has been perverted into a constant competition for survival within self-interest that is destroying the very planet we exist on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I allow myself to make decisions related to bringing a child into this world on things like 'morality', fear of the opinions of others, personal desire, or using the child as an attempt to 'fit in' or maintain a relationship out of self-interest, then I am NOT in fact ready for the responsibility of bringing LIFE into existence as I am not in fact equal to the responsibility of a GOD as the creator of LIFE.
I commit myself to not allow myself or those in my world to bring forth life without taking into full consideration whether that life will be one that reflects that which is best for all and will be able to, in it's expression and development, stand and assist in ensuring that the quality of life is best for all.
I commit myself to being and becoming the best possible parent that I can be even if I do not and will not have children in my lifetime because it is the responsibility of all to ensure that we have a proper understanding and proper support for all life that enters this world.
I commit myself to establishing myself as the best possible parent that I am able to be and to, when and where I am able, assist and support those who have not been able to see or consider the vital importance of ensuring that the children of humanity be given the regard and dignity that they deserve – that they will not have to endure or suffer for the world that we have created through separation, self-interest, and lack of regard for life.
I commit myself to stand within a point of absolute responsibility in the life that I am creating and procreating by taking absolute responsibility for the life that I AM, in the realization that I am my own 'parent' because I am responsible for myself in all ways and it is up to me to ensure that my life is aligned within what is best for all, and that all life that may come from me whether directly through childbirth with a partner or through my influence as being an example of life in this world, benefit from my living example.
I commit to support myself, and continue walking my process of self-discovery, self-honesty, and self-correction to see, realize, and understand fully and intimately the process of self-creation by walking my own time-line of self-creation and adjusting/correcting all that has limited me or prevented me from being the living example of a living that is ensured to produce only what is best for all.
I commit to walk my point of self-creation until I am satisfied that I am able to stand in self-honesty into eternity as a being capable of being trusted with life and will not allow harm or abuse to exist in the life of any child that may come to this world.
For more perspective on this topic of childhood, check out the following blogs -