Day 32: I am not a "Who"

 

By Marlen Vargas Del Razo

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have NOT understood how I actually function and how I actually developed specifically into the being that I have been existing as throughout my life, and within this to not see or consider that I am a product of all that has been here and all of the accepted beliefs that I was exposed to as a child which I then copied and imprinted within myself, where from the moment I entered this world I began to copy and store information and thus the quality and nature of this information, which includes emotions, feelings, thoughts, pictures, and reactions, determines the development of the 'me' that I would become as this information compounds and expands within me and develops networks and relationships within my mind upon which I would structure and 'personalize' the various personalities and self-identities that I would develop as I grow up and interact with a society and humanity that has completely been based on information and preprogramming.(Please check out this article for full perspective on how parental patterning affects childhood development)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question or consider whether or not I am in fact even 'alive' or actually living if who I am is based upon the information that I as a child copied and stored within me based on the preprogramming of my parents and family, wherein I 'learned' bit by bit how to think using a specific form of language and how to process and work with information based on how I observed others processing information, wherein I learned what I 'like' and what I 'do not like' based on experiences that I would have and then give value judgments to, and not consider where exactly those values came from other than 'it is what I know'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT slow down and be still enough within me to have seen and realized that all that I have built 'myself' upon in this life has been based only on information which I was exposed to as a child and thus influenced and directed each and every step that I would take from the very beginning and thus the life that I have been 'living' has not in fact been a life of my own directive creation, but rather has been a series of consequential outflows that stemmed from the very moment I entered this world and began to be shown by the inhabitants of this world as my parents, my family, and the society and culture that I would 'grow up' with 'how' to live in this world, how to think, how to learn, what to believe, and to accept my thoughts, feelings and emotions as a part of my actual beingness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and consider that as I walk my process of changing me and undoing the patterns and programming that I have been exposed to as a child and continued to accumulate into my adult life, that the very 'nature' of 'me' as what I have become is NOT REAL from the perspective of this very 'nature' of me having nothing at all to do with my actual physical beingness as a living and breathing expression of life, and rather is simply the accumulation and networking of information which became a 'life' of it's own and has existed within, through, and as 'me'. This reveals that any form of fear, resistance, dislike, or conflict/friction that I experience within myself as well as any points where I experience attraction or an energetic 'liking' is determined by the networks and relationships that I have created within my own mind based on the nature, frequency, and repetitiveness of the information that I imprinted within myself beginning from my early childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that if 'who I am' and the experiences that I have within me are not in fact 'native' or 'natural' from the perspective of such experiences being completely dependent on the nature of information and preprogramming that I was exposed to as a child which determined the 'nature' that I would copy and accept as 'who I am', then who I believe I am as well as the thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, and opinions that form the 'personality' of me is NOT REAL and has no actual physical substance of it's own, and can only exist and function when and where I as the being allow such information to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and judgments/fears/loves/hates when in fact all of these experiences would be entirely different or even completely absent if certain elements of my childhood were different and I had been exposed to and interacted with other kinds of information and preprogramming – which is a clear indication that one's personality and thoughts are NOT who one is as LIFE.

Thus here I see that LIFE is not a 'who'. A 'who' exists only in the realm of the mind as accumulated thoughts, pictures, ideas, memories, and experiences based on energy – which has no actual substance of it's own and can only exist through participation and constant renewal of that energy – thus I am, as LIFE, able to experience myself as a 'who' and to believe that this 'who' is what I am, so long as I continue to renew and participate in the energy that creates and stores this information, yet I am NOT, as the actual essence and beingness of me as LIFE, a 'who'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the 'life' that I have been living within my mind is NOT life but simply the result of networks of information accumulated and processed through the years of my existence – and that this 'experience' of me is based on energy which 'feels' limitless and timeless because energy itself has no ACTUAL basis within physical reality – meaning because I am able to create and re-create 'myself' as the experience of 'who I am' out of thoughts, feelings, emotions, energy, pictures, etc, this 'who I am' exists nowhere in present, physical real-time and therefore creates the illusion that 'I have always existed' when what has happened is I had allowed myself to be convinced by information that I was preprogrammed with and miss the point that I am NOT infinite or timeless within the mind because the MIND ends at death whereas the substance of and as the physical REMAINS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been so deeply convinced of the validity of 'me' and my 'experience of me' and the idea/belief of 'who' I am based on my thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences, memories, etc that I had completely missed the actual point of LIFE which is HERE, stable, and not based on energy of the mind, and within this to have missed out on so many breaths and so many moments within my existence where instead of actually living as the expression of me as LIFE here within and as the physical, but rather to exist within the context of my mind based on energy that is always fleeting and never consistent.

I commit myself to walking myself BACK to the point of LIFE as substance – life as that which is REAL and will REMAIN when the mind is no longer kept alive at the expense of energy that is taken from the actual substance of life itself by walking my process and applying myself within one by one letting go of that which I have defined myself as within the mind, so that I slowly but surely stop feeding and sustaining the false illusion of 'who' I am.

I commit myself to establishing a world in which children are no longer subjected to preprogramming of the parents and of society without consideration or effective support to ensure that the child does not become lost within the 'experience' of self and are, from the moment of their birth, welcomed, supported, and guided to be and express LIFE itself.

I commit myself to effectively prepare, assist, and support myself so that I am able to stand as a parent and as an example of LIFE that is not based on a 'who' which is created out of memories, experiences, and value judgments that have NO actual, practical, or functional basis within reality.

I commit myself to show and prove in detail that I am not a 'who' and that the experiences within me which lead me to making decisions and living a life wherein I accept myself as anything LESS than the actual potential and fullness of being of LIFE are not valid – and within this to re-establish myself as a being that is trustworthy and accountable to ALL LIFE as I undo and remove the illusions of separation created by the layers of consciousness that developed in isolation and separation from all life and has no consideration for what is best for all because it sees and understands and recognizes only it's seemingly 'infinite' origin and 'nature'.

I commit myself to be able to show in detail the trap that we as humanity and as existence have fallen into as we develop into 'whos' and blind ourselves to the realization that we are not a 'who' and within having the courage to question and expose these layers of consciousness and separation we gain an opportunity to REALLY LIVE a life worthwhile into eternity as the expression of ourselves and not as the mere preprogrammed packages of information we have diminished ourselves into, so that no matter 'who' one is, one is equal and has the opportunity to stand as life in dignity and honor as an expression of LIFE.