Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 24 - Walking instead of SMASHING through my resistances



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my resistances and to believe that the only way to effectively break through the resistance that I face in the moment is to 'battle' and 'overpower' wherein I create the idea and belief that “I am not this resistance and this resistance is not real” from a starting point of ego instead of bringing the point of the resistance HERE in practicality and working from/as practicality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I notice myself in a point of resistance or hesitation, to immediately take on a point of wanting to 'break through' the resistance from a starting point of ego where I am simply making the statement that I do not want to actually look at or face in detail who I am within the resistance or what points have led me to creating such resistances, and wanting to just 'break through it' as though the resistance were some object or obstacle placed 'in my way' and thus not seeing that the resistance is reflecting and showing me that which I have separated myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by my resistances within not seeing and realizing that I am not actually effectively transcending the point when I am simply wanting to 'break through' the resistance and thus force myself to try to be or become something that I am not instead of allowing myself to see the resistance in that moment and look at the practicality and context of what is currently here, and to adjust myself according to what is actually here within common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by my resistances within not seeing that when I immediately react within a point of wanting to break through the resistance in order to 'prove' a point or establish a point of superiority in relation to that resistance, I am standing within separation and ego where I believe I am 'greater than' the resistance – which will only lead me to falling and not actually transcending the point because the starting point was about me 'winning'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am supposed to be 'strong enough' to push and force myself through any point of resistance that comes up and within this to become angry and frustrated with myself when a moment arrives and I experience the resistance as being 'stronger' than the idea that I have created of myself – where I will then throw a tantrum within myself within believing that it just isn't 'fair' or that there is something wrong with me or that I am simply not 'able' to 'get through' the point – instead of seeing that these points of resistance are of the mind – and that they are not 'valid' from the perspective of there being nothing to 'fight' or 'break through' as a point of conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I experience a point of resistance or difficulty, immediately access fear and anxiety within me where I fear to not 'overcome' the resistance, believing that if I do not always 'overcome' the resistance that I will be a 'failure' – not taking into consideration the point of practicality and self-honesty wherein I am able to assess who I am in relation to a point and what is required in order to establish a relationship with that point that is best for all, and that this may require time and accumulation proven through actual living application before the change is clear and lived for REAL instead of being a point of 'survival' or 'do or die' according to my mind's definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I experience a point of resistance that I have previously pushed and forced myself to 'overcome' and 'break through', become angry and frustrated at having to face the point of resistance 'again' – and not seeing the point that I did not actually 'overcome' or 'transcend' or 'break through' the resistance to begin with and was instead motivated by energy and ego to try to win a battle against myself and believe that I am able to be victorious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated with myself and to become nasty and abusive to myself when I see that I am facing a point of resistance or a point/task in my life where I experience difficulty or uncertainty within having created ideas and beliefs about myself and exalting my own abilities within my mind in order to 'overcome' resistances instead of facing who I am within the resistance, breathing through the energetic reaction of wanting to be 'better than' the point of resistance, and moving myself effectively within the point of resistance to actually establish me within what I resist and separate myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when facing a similar point within my life that seems to continue to 'show up' time and time again – take it personally and throw a tantrum within me believing I am a 'failure' and that this is just 'too much' for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when walking a point of correction within my life, become angry and frustrated and thus retreat into my backchat where I complain within myself how 'hard' things are or how 'unfair' it is that I am apparently not able to just 'break through' any and all resistances in one moment without actually walking my time-line of correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when experiencing a point of resistance or hesitation or uncertainty within myself, to internalize and allow backchat about the point instead of slowing down, breathing, and assessing what is actually here and what I am able to do in the moment, and to simply DO it one step and one breath at a time until it is done.

I commit myself to sorting out and stopping my relationship of combativeness and desire for superiority in relation to the point of resistances that come up throughout my day to establish a version of me that is able to actually and practically walk (not smash) through resistances and ensure that I am not missing points or holding on to ideas/beliefs of separation where I am still trying to be 'better than' my resistances.

I commit myself to slowing down and allowing myself to breathe and bring myself back here so that I am able to see and work with a point of resistance effectively instead of trying to generate a 'charge' within me to overcome the resistance in order to then experience an energetic reward of 'winning' when all I have done is suppressed my original point of resistance, which will only compound and come back again. 

Artwork by Agnieszka Dine 



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