Tonight I am continuing from my previous post on "Never Let A Serious Crisis Go To Waste", which is part of a larger series of blogs which I will list below so anyone reading this blog now will be able to get a fuller context on more specific points if they would like.
Links to previous entries in this Series -Day 109 - Simulating My Life Instead of Living It : Here introducing the main theme of this series - about how I developed a fear of making decisions for myself and walking/implementing those decisions - and thus allow my 'choices' and my participation in my own life to be directed by my mental projections instead of actual participation.Day 110 – Lessons in Self-Stability – INTRODUCTION : Introducing my 'hectic week' in which I gave in to fears and resistances and stress and did not support myself effectively to remain stable within it, and how various points played out as a result.Day 111 – Instability is a Decision : How "Instability" is decided in moments where we let our fears and our backchat determine who we are in relation to a situation, and allow our experience to become dominated by "instability".Day 112 - How Instability is TAUGHT and LEARNED : How by my own acceptances/allowances of fear and trying to 'anticipate' problems and resisting having to deal with them, I ended up creating and TEACHING others and influencing others based on my own preferences and fears instead of actually standing as a point of SUPPORT.Day 113 – Never Let A Serious Crisis Go To Waste : How the longer we allow ourselves to NOT make clear decisions and constantly/continuously play out scenarios and "what if" situations in our minds, the more we allow our decisions to be made FOR us through consequences - Here I introduce the point of "crisis" as a self manipulation to finally get to do the things we keep in secret and play out our 'secret agendas' by allowing certain events to boil over into bigger problems as a "cover".Day 114 - Self Forgiveness on Waiting for a Crisis : Self-Forgiveness on allowing backchat and friction within myself to continue and build and accumulate instead of directing myself within my decisions and my participation - and thus manifesting a point of only moving and directing myself and my world in making decisions when a 'crisis' or problem occurs as a consequence.
Day 115 - Self-Corrective Statements on Stress and Anxiety
Tonight I will be applying the self-corrective statements and implement practical ways to LIVE and apply the realizations of the previous posts.
I see and realize that when I am at work and throughout the day thoughts and pictures and internal conversations come up within me, or as I experience stress or anxiety when faced with a problem or a point of responsibility, such points do not actually 'disappear' or 'go away' just because I ignore them or suppress them in order to 'focus on my job'. Because what actually happens is that instead of taking responsibility for the thoughts and reactions that are coming up within me, I am instead suppressing and compounding them and pushing myself into an opposite direction/polarity - where I will step into a character/personality of 'get the job done' and instead of actually letting go of and fully releasing the built up energies that are charged up within me, I instead turn that energy and that charge into a kind of 'drive' where I rush to 'get everything done', but still influenced and directed by my initial point of stress or anxiety or facing a resistance, and thus when I go into this mode of "just get it done - no time to waste on stress and anxiety" I am doing so within and AS the very point of stress and anxiety.
Thus - when I experience a point of stress, anxiety, pressure, or when I face a point of resistance that I do not want to take responsibility for and I do not immediately support myself to stop my participation in the mind and really bring myself back HERE and release/direct the initial point of reaction, then that point becomes a 'hidden point' - and that moment of stress or moment of anxiety will continue to run 'in the background' driving and influencing my participation and my behavior - and throughout the day as that point of stress and anxiety comes up again and again, the energy actually accumulates more and more while I am believing that I am 'keeping things under control' by trying to focus more on 'getting the job done'.
So here as a point of self-correction within this -
I commit myself to, when and as I notice that I am already in a point of stress or anxiety and see that I am not breathing effectively and my movements are erratic and rushed, immediately STOP, breathe, bring myself and my awareness and participation back HERE and realize that I had gone past the 'trigger point' and that I had already allowed myself to start accumulating energy and backchat and trying to 'cope with' stress and anxiety by trying to 'get things done' as a way to suppress the stress and anxiety by deliberately busying myself while still distracted and influenced by my reactions.
I thus commit myself to, whenever I see I am already in a point of stress and anxiety, deliberately slow myself down and realize that I am experiencing stress and anxiety - I do not judge it or blame myself for 'knowing better'. I breathe and I move myself out of the experience of stress and anxiety and realize that this is simply energy that I have accumulated through thoughts and reactions that I have not actually looked at and faced or properly/effectively directed - and only has influence over me when I allow myself to constantly participate in stress and anxiety related thoughts, internal conversations, and reactions. Thus I give myself a moment and realize that I have allowed myself to become possessed within the experience of stress/anxiety. I then move myself out of the experience, realize that it is not 'me' in fact, and simply see it as an accumulation of energy that I did not direct and now has accumulated to a point of influencing me through my acceptances and allowances, and in seeing that this is simply accumulated energy in the form of thoughts and reactions, I STOP as a movement of myself in that moment - and physically bring my focus and attention HERE and direct what I require to direct practically in each moment, one task at a time, ensuring that I am not rushing or allowing myself to be within an experience of stress and anxiety and rush when I am working on my assignments and tasks.
I commit myself to, when and as I notice that I am experiencing stress or anxiety as a reaction to a particular task or assignment that requires to be done, STOP, breathe, and do not allow myself to further participate or feed the reaction. I take the assignment, assess its requirements, communicate with the necessary people involved in the assignment to make sure that I am clear and to NOT allow my reactions to prevent me from looking at the assignment practically and ensure that I fully understand what is needed. I do NOT allow myself to take the assignment within a point of stress or anxiety as a reaction and then put the assignment 'aside' and try to 'get everything done' so that I can 'get to this assignment'.
I commit myself to, when and as I see/notice myself moving within internal conversations or reactions in relation to stress or anxiety, STOP and do not further participate in the pictures by breathing and saying within myself "STOP". I do not allow myself to move within suppression or heaviness or trying to 'keep it all under control' because this would simply be a point of separation and allowing for my mind and the accumulation of energies to direct and enslave me.
I commit myself to prove to myself that I am not a slave to the experiences of the mind, and that each energetic experience whether it is fear, stress, anger, love, or even energetic bouts of happiness is able to be slowed down and seen as a point of accumulated energy - in the form of thoughts and internal conversations and imagined scenarios - and one can move oneself OUT of the experience - OUT of the possession of these accumulated energies - and actually direct and release that energy through stopping participation, through self-forgiveness, through developing a point of self-intimacy and self-honesty within self-forgiveness, and from there one is able to know oneself so intimately that such energetic accumulations no longer become energetic experiences that we lose ourselves within - and thus take responsibility for each moment of our living so that we are in fact ALIVE and LIVING our life to the best of our ability and potential instead of simply existing and coping with and adapting to our experiences and reactions and fears