Thursday, February 28, 2013
130 - Behind the White Wall of Resistance
Tonight is a continuation from the previous blog -
Day 139 - Writing and the White Wall of Blankness
In the previous blog I opened up the point of facing the blank white wall when sitting down and moving myself to write - and even though there is much to write out and walk through and certainly there are many points and realizations that I would have throughout my days as well as accumulations of backchat and judgment and frustration - the moment that I sit before my computer to write, the "Blank White Wall" comes up and for a moment all that I see is this blankness - the same white - almost too 'white' blankness that is reflected back to me on my computer screen.
Obviously this is NOT my actual experience. Obviously this blankness is NOT who I am in fact - and obviously this sudden and ever so convenient point of blankness is specific in that it is a deliberate point of self-manipulation - where I am actually allowing myself to remain ignorant of the backchats and nastiness that I have participated in - and in my willing ignorance and acceptance of this blank white wall I make myself an accomplice in the 'cover up' of whatever has been going on behind the scenes - behind that white sheet of distraction and misdirection.
It is the same as allowing a criminal organization to do whatever it wants within a city - and as long as all criminal activity 'stops' and everything looks normal when the police or the investigators come in response to complaints from the citizens - the enforcers do not poke too deeply and do not dare to upset the criminal organization and will move on after having made a show of appearing and reassuring the citizens that all is well in hand and that the troublemakers would stop.
This is essentially what happens when that white wall of blankness comes up - and we KNOW there is a lot more going on behind there - that it is not possible that this blankness can actually be real - but we let it slip anyway - because we know what is behind that white wall is darkness and all manner of nasty business that we do not want to confront or take responsibility for - and as long as everything looks 'fine' in that moment - as long as we accept that blank wall at face value - we 'move on' and do not push through and investigate.
Here again I will use the analogy of the criminal organization - which represents all of the backchat and nastiness that we are aware of and operates in the 'background' during our days - and when left to accumulate actually becomes mental possessions where in certain situations we are completely taken over by the stress, the anger, the frustration, and all that pent up energy that we do not sort out - that we do not investigate - that we do not take responsibility for and rather just keep behind that white wall of blankness and deny all knowledge.
It is convenient here to simply say that those 'criminals' behind the wall are just too nasty to deal with - they are tricky and resourceful and should not be messed with - and besides what good can come from stirring up trouble with them? Best to keep carrying on with the business of maintaining stability. But here we do not question HOW and WHY such instability exists within our lives and within our experience to begin with - here we do NOT allow ourselves to unconditionally seek out and walk in the shoes of those behind that wall of blankness - to see for ourselves once and for all without prejudice or judgment, to unconditionally and fully understand why such activities go on unchecked behind that wall and why such "criminal" organizations became criminal to begin with - what is it that they are trying to accomplish - that they are operating in this way?
In the same way that our current method of 'dealing with' massively entrenched criminal organizations - the accepted understanding is that there are only a few options - wherein we go in and 'bust' these individuals and remove them from the city - isolate them in prisons where they will have no more influence (suppression), or we hunt them down and have them killed off (separation), or we see that they are too far entrenched and that their relationships within the city are too complex and in many ways upsetting or disrupting them may cause more unintended harm than good (acceptance).
Though here there is a fascinating option that most do not consider - which is to EQUALIZE - to unconditionally and without judgment get to know how, why, and to what end such activities proliferate - understand the conditions that these 'criminals' must deal and contend with - what are their fears and what are they reacting to within their world that they would resort to such extremes - and to establish a way for such extremes to diminish and allow for a real and total change to happen not through force - but by the resolution of conflict - the ending of separation - by understanding the real and underlying problems and finding a common ground - and this can ONLY be done by going past that white wall of blankness - to dare walk in to the 'bad side of town' without fear or judgment, and without any agenda for forcing a change - but to truly and fully understand the relationships involved and bring those relationships to an equal cooperation.
Thus in bringing this point back to the point of writing and seeing that white wall of blankness where we know there is more going on that we do not want to face and are so tempted to just let it be - it is to realize that we are in fact responsible for our inaction - and this inaction will only make our process more difficult - the more we isolate ourselves and separate ourselves from our own backchat - from our own fears and anxieties and all the thoughts that we participate in which bring us experiences of shame and anger and frustration - these things do not just disappear simply because we see that white wall of blankness when we bring our attention inward - we see this blank wall because we WANT to blank it all out and pretend it isn't happening - that we are in control - that our decisions are clear and our behavior is exactly the behavior we decide to live out - when very evidently this is NOT in fact so - and the more we allow this artificial separation to continue - where this 'hidden world' within our minds and our backchat is allowed to flourish - the more concession we give to instability and conflict in our lives not realizing that the source comes from ourselves - in that place we dare not go.
But it is NOT so scary - there is NOTHING in this existence that is pure malice or beyond the ability to cooperate and change for the better when it's methods, it's motives, it's history is understood. This does not mean acts of cruelty or abuse are to be tolerated or condoned - but it is to see and understand fully how it is that such extremes ever came to be, so that we stop wasting our time punishing ourselves or parts of ourselves and trying to lock up or suppress those parts - and instead focus on PREVENTING such patterns from recurring.
Within making a commitment and living this realization that in pushing through this wall of blankness that comes up within writing - we are able to walk past the fear and resistance - understanding that we are getting to know ourselves - parts of ourselves that we have locked away and have separated ourselves from and have been in a way driven a bit crazy within that isolation - that there is going to be things that will seem nasty and harsh and terrible - but this is our own judgment and our own self-creation - and when we dare to unconditionally learn about these parts - and see their 'plight' and what they represent within the fracturing of ourselves - we realize we do not have to judge or fight or suppress - that we can actually embrace and rehabilitate and reunite within a common purpose of oneness and equality wherein the conflict and the hiding can actually stop - where we can actually live a full life of expression instead of living parts of our lives in our minds, locked up in fear and frustration and prisons of our own misalignment.
There IS a way out - there IS the opportunity to change and no longer fear what is behind that wall of resistance in facing the actual nature of who we are through the application of self-honesty and self-forgiveness which is in detail explained along with how the mind functions and the nature of the mind-consciousness system within the desteni material and through the writings and sharing of those who are walking the same process of correction.
In my next post I will lay out more detail on this point and will begin to introduce practical steps towards working with this point of the 'sudden blankness' which I have often experienced - where the solution to this will be presented and explained further.